Measuring Minds
by Malina81
Summary: This just isn't Sara's day. Coming back from vacation she finds a note that doesn't sound too good. Everything that can go wrong goes wrong. And then there's this everlasting Grissom problem. What to do about it?
1. Chapter 1

**Measuring Minds**

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**DISCLAIMER:** I do not own CSI or any of its characters.

**AN: **This is my first attempt on CSI fanfiction. My writing might be some kind of confusing as this story deals a lot with inner thoughts and flashbacks. Furthermore, English ist not my first language, but I do my best.

GSR centered. First chapter of four.

**SUMMARY:** _This just isn't Sara's day. Coming back from vacation she finds a note that doesn't sound too good. Everything that can go wrong goes wrong. And then there's this everlasting Grissom-problem. What to do about it?_

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chapter 1  
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The words whirred in her mind. She looked away, trying to find the right answer. Slightly she smiled, quirking her lips softly as she used to when she had to come upon her innermost. Leaning her head to the left, she hesistantly bent forward. _What to say, Sara?_

- - - - - -

Clutching the door-handle she stood in front of the office. The note couldn't have meant anything good. At all.

_Sidle", he's gonna say. As usual. "Sidle, you blew it."_  
A shiver ran down her back. She closed her eyes, taking a deep breath._  
Confidence. Confidence. It cannot be THAT bad._

She withdrew her hand. Wasn't there anything else to do, anything... very very urgent? She took a step back, _sure there must be something. So better go! One step back, one more._

Another step back and she felt a hard clash.Glass clinked.  
Another deep breath.  
She slowly turned around and saw directly into Greg's reproachful eyes. He held an empty wooden box with inlays for test tubes in his left hand.

"Sara what was that? You cannot simply...you know there are people working here! Not everyone is just taking a week to go on holiday. Seriously. What's up with you?"

Sara shook her head. _Sara, what was that? _

"I'm sorry, Greg, honestly. I just didn't see you coming"

"How could you, walking backwards?"

She felt like a little schoolgirl. _Embarrasing.  
_  
"You're lucky this was clear material, no evidence". Greg was in rage.

She looked down at his smock. It looked as if Greg had been stuck in a tanning shower for too long. Full of little brown dashes. She had to supress a smile. He looked nearly cute, crestfallen as he was.

"Gosh, I'm gonna call the janitor. And would you mind stepping out of the puddle, please?"

Sara's shoes were sopping wet. _What a great day! _Greg rushed away, waving his hands around in anger and swearing some words she better ignored. She took a look around. No one noticed her unpleasant situation. So it could have been worse, she told herself. Turning down her head, she took to her heels towards the lunch room.

Suddenly she felt a hand on her shoulder. Greg stood behind her, approaching her.

"If Grissom asked... it wasn't me! Please, I've had enough trouble last week. And this week wasn't the best neither, it seems. He's been quite moody lately. Everyone was so stressed by him, no one knows what's going on", he whispered in her ear. "So please, don't tell him, okay?"

"Sure" Sara said with a nod.

"Thanks!"

He gave her a buddy-like clap on the shoulder and dashed away. Greg's sentiment had changed immediately. That was him. Like a young boy, usually his strength couldn't be broken easily. But Sara's focus changed abruptly.What might have happened to Grissom? He was in a bad mood? Why?_  
Maybe it's because he missed me. _Sara rolled her brown eyes and shook her head. She wished he had missed her, sure. But did he? He had given her reason enough to know he didn't give too much for closeness with her, not even for her presence.

- - - - - - - - -

"I'm really busy Sara. If it's about the case, please discuss it with Nick."

Grissom rampaged through his room, a file stuck under his arm. She couldn't beare to see him like that. He was working far too much. _If only work wasn't the only important thing in his life... _It didn't only make her depressed but also slightly angry. _Why can't he just open his eyes and see... me?_

"It's not about work..."

Sara tried to swallow the last word as Grissom suddenly turned around and looked at her with a look she knew too well. Every approach of talking about private things had always ended up in a disaster for both of them. His eyes could tell right now.  
She gave him a smitten smile. Once again, the little schoolgirl.He sighed and sat down in his office chair. Leaning his elbows on the desk he took a deep breath.

"Sara, see. This is not the right time for talking this over, I'm..."

"No, no!"

She interrupted him promptly. She approached the desk. He looked at her, knitting his brows. She quietly put the written application onto his desk.

"What's that?"

"That's my vacation" she answered drily.

"Oh. Okay." He seemed to be surprised. That's... good. Sara. Really good. You need some time off."

She kept silent. Sure he was happy she wouldn't be around for some days, whatever.

"Just leave it here. I'll sign it as soon as I've found my glasses. They must be somewhere. And I need to see Doc Robbins for this robbery victim. I'm sorry!"

With a straight gesture he unmistakably asked her to leave. _What else..._She turned around in a mixture of sadness and aggression. Having reached the dooframe she stopped. She couldn't leave him in his chaos, even though she maybe should have. She turned towards him.

"Oh Grissom! Your glasses. On your head!".

He looked stunned and fumbled in his hair as if he could not see. He looked up to her.

"Thanks Sara!"

"Sure!" _„Sweetie". _She smiled at him, she couldn't really ever be mad at him. She just couln't help it.

"Sure" was her last word and she went off.

His eyes lasted on the place underneath the doorframe for what must have been eternity. Holding the glasses in his right hand, he leaned his chin on the other one and the words went through his mind that just were not allowed to be there: _"Thanks honey!"_.

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**- TBC - **


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

Sara shook her head as if she wanted the memory that had just come up to vanish. The vacation was the last possibility. The last possible sign to show Grissom that she'd had enough. The last showdown of her affection for him and his dismissal. The last downfall of her feelings. She wanted to give him a last chance to figure out his feeling. _He must have known why I quit for a week. He actually did wonder that I go on holiday – voluntarily. He knows I'm hardly ever fed up with work. He knows I'm the one he can call at night and I'll be there to help him solve a case. In the rain, in the coldness, even if it's freezing. In the dark, in the dust, even if it's sinister. I'm there, liking it so much as if it was sunny, warm, bright and euphoric. He just doesn't know WHY I'm always there. Not because I love coldness and darkness. Or bugs. I'm there because of HIM. Because I love..._

Sara still stood in front of the lunch room where Greg had left her. Grissom's words, that – to her - had neither shown disappointment nor anxiety, kept on spinning in her head. _That's good, Sara! That's good, Sara!_

"That's good, Sara!" She suddenly caught herself saying aloud in a sarcastic voice.

Nick and Warrick instantly turned their heads around. Nick, with his legs crossed and softly leant against the table, tardily led away the fork from his mouth. Him and Warrick, who stood in front of the coffe-machine, looked at her dazedly, not believing what they'd just heard.

"Is everything alright?" Warrick asked carefully.

Sara did not react.

"Sara?" He said a little louder.

Still no feedback.

He looked at Nick. He started looking a litte concerned. Nick put his feet back to the ground and his fork onto the table. He slowly stood up, walked up to Sara. Stopping in front of the table, he screwed up his eyes and began to wave his left hand.

"Sara? Are you okay?"

She looked at him, flabbergasted and surprised.

"Sure, erm, yes. I'm fine. But what are you doing?"

Nick turned around to Warrick with a shrug, baffled.

"I mean, what are you doing with your hand?" Sara continued.

Warrick came over to his colleagues. Standing next to Nick, who still cluelessly looked at Sara, he lowered his head to focus on her eyes. "You were talking to yourself, rooted to the spot, Sara! What happened?"

Sara tried to refuse Warrick's gaze. She hadn't known before that she could be that overwhelmed and absorbed by her memories. She felt so bad. _They must be thinking I'm going nuts. _

"Sara!" Warrick didn't let go off her eyes, his voice growing more severe with every sound. She closed her eyes to hold in a tear. She shook her head, trying to look resolute. She struggled to smile.

"I'm okay. I was just a bit..." she sighed "...tired."

"Tired?" Nick laughed. "You've been on holiday, you should be awake like no one else here!" He gave Warrick a little bump with his elbow. Warrick just returned an insinuated smile. He had seen that Sara's eyes had been wet. He didn't feel like joking, then he didn't know what else to do.

"Would like some coffee?" He tried to break the stifling atmosphere.

"No!" Sara said sharply. So sharp that Nick and Warrick started to look at each other again, head-shaking and shoulder-shrinking.

Sara realized that her tone had been too resolute this time.

"I'm sorry guys", she started. "I'm very busy. Lots to do. You know that feeling, don't you?" Her smile looked rather helpless and not quite convincing.

"So what did you want here if you're so busy?" Nick just couldn't figure the situation out. Warrick rolled his eyes. He knew that something was going on with Sara that neither he, nor Nick could find out. Not now, not here. He felt how badly she wanted to leave and realized her helpless tries to find a reason to quickly run away. Even though he really wanted to help her, he knew that the best he could do for her right now was to let her go without further argument or painfulness.

"Sure, sometimes work's too much. Everyone knows that. Especially when you've just returned from a short time off." He gave Sara a forgiving and cheery warm smile, which she tried to return. Though she didn't really achieve that, it was reasonable enough to vanish into thin air.

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Grissom leant against his table and tried forcefully to control his gaze. It must have been hours since Sara had left his office. The application still in his hand he sighed. He was confused. _She never goes on holiday. Never. I usually have to force her even if it is just for a day. Now she will be gone for a whole week._ Grissom thought about all the times he really wanted her to take a day off. The explosion in the lab, the attack in the hospital. She never quit, she never gave up. What had happened that could make her go now?

He thought about the upcoming week. Without her.

He was scared she could leave forever. Forever.

He knew she had always been interested in him. And he knew how hard he had disappointed her. Again and again. And she had always come back. To the lab and to him. Again and again.

_What if she's finally got fed up? Did I really make her feel as if I took her for granted?_ Grissom was unsure about what to do. With another sigh, he made a step forward. His beeper played its common melody. He had totally forgotten his meeting with Robbins.

He put the application onto his desk, grabbed his black-inked pen, put it into his jacket and hurried away, towards the morturary.


End file.
